Triangle of Love

I was getting ready for work one day in October of 2012 when Anna said to me "Mom, tell me something that I don't know about how much you love me."  Abby was sitting next to me on the bed and Anna was standing in front of me.  Looking at both of them I proceeded to answer the question.

I said "Well Anna, what you don't know is how much love resides in my heart for you and Abby.   I have a lot of love in my heart.  Your heart comes to me and Abby's heart comes to me and your heart goes to Abby and Abby's heart goes to you and we make a triangle."  Showing them I made a triangle with my fingers connecting the pointer fingers and the thumbs.  Anna said so "Mommy you are at the top."  I said "yes, and that makes a complete family we are a triangle and our family consists of three hearts and I pointed to each point with me being at the top, Anna on the right and Abby on my left.  I then proceeded to take my fingers apart at the top and I said that when mommy is not around leaving the base connected I said you and Abby are still connected and when mommy comes home we connect again and we are a family."  I then proceeded to show them that sometimes it is me and Anna and sometimes it is me and Abby but the most important part is when we form the perfect triangle again and become a complete family.  The triangle represents our family and how wonderful our family is when we form the triangle.

So Abby looks at me and said "So I am on the left and Anna is on the right?"  I said yes but you could be on the right and Anna on the left it doesn't matter right or left the important part is you are point in the triangle and you are a part of our family.  Without the three of us we do not have a triangle.  Anna looked at me after much pondering and she said "Mommy, I understand and that makes sense to me." And from that point forward our love is a triangle and when mommy bends the her point down what does that make?  A heart and I showed them the heart with my fingers that our triangle of love is truly.  I showed them that it takes all three of us to make the triangle and to make the love of the triangle.  

The girls were so happy with the image of the triangle and I think of the trinity and three the universal number and when I think of the triangle there is three I am three sided at first I am the whole me and then I am Anna's mom and Abby's mom and each of them are different and pull from me as each child has different needs and they pull what they need. I give them all of me but then I see how they grow and I see what they need and desire.  So to be able to give a 6 and 8 year old about love in that fashion.  Anna went to school that day she talked about the triangle of love to her teacher and I received an email from her teacher that she learned about the triangle of love.  When I picked up Anna and Abby that day I asked Anna did you talk to the teacher about the triangle and she said yes.  I told her that we make a complete triangle as a family and even though we are separate when Abby and I are in school and mommy is at work when we come together we become a triangle again and I love my mommy.  

The triangle is my family with Anna and Abby at point.  We have many friends and family members a part of our triangle that are surrounded by our love within the triangle and I am forever grateful for all that share in our triangle of love.

I wrote this over a year ago.  It was what I did to cope with the loss of Robert, my ex husband, friend and father to our daughters.  I'm updating my blog and I found this and thought....I'm going to post it because it was a trying time in my life and we did survive and are moving forward.  It's not easy and life is very challenging, but it's life and reality and you have to move forward otherwise you fall to be a victim.

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What do you say when your ex husband dies?  How do you tell your children that they will now not see their father at all?  All the emotions you have within you from sadness, to relief to anger to fear.  Yes fear.  What about you where do you go?  How do you cope?  All these questions and all this to process.  For a strong woman to feel vulnerable and fearful is scary yet all things considered it is reality and you have two choices run from the fear and not deal with it or attack it head on.

Get Inspired radio interview

This is the radio interview I had two years ago.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/inspirationatwork/2011/08/24/get-inspired-with-christina-mazzella--div-dir-hr-emory-u

When my transformation really started to take form

It was in my first year of English Literature at college when I heard my professor say this quote: “The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand”.  He then told us to read Robert Frost’s – The Road Not Taken.  We were then told to write what was similar in the poem and quote.

I was young and although I thought I knew what it meant to me then, the meanings certainly have changed.  Now that I am a mother, parent, teacher and guidance counselor to two beautiful little girls, the meaning has changed.  Part of my job as a parent is to ensure that I provide opportunities for my kids as well as help them make decisions in life even at ages 4 and 7 the sooner they start making decisions along the way the better for them, in my opinion.

There are so many things that have made an impact in all of our lives.  However the quote and poem really impacted my values and view of life.  The poem helped frame my guiding principles - The first stanza states:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

This is my take on my first guiding principle is KNOW WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE/YOU HAVE VALUE.  I teach my girls that they have value  - to me everyday and to everyone they meet.  That it doesn’t matter how old you are you can add something of value to whatever you do and whomever you meet.  Value is your worth to yourself and others.  I ask them everyday what did you do today that had value that you were proud of and some days it’s as simple as played with my friend other days it’s I made someone laugh.  Understanding their value helps them appreciate who they are and appreciate other people’s opinions.  The value of being one traveler trying to decide which road had more value for this traveller.

The second stanza of the poem states:

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

The second guiding principle is NEVER GIVE UP.  When I first adopted Abby – 18 months ago- she did not speak any English.  Every day was a challenge, she wanted to give up trying to learn.  She would get frustrated and angry.  Sometimes she would cry other times she would hit me trying to express herself.  Through it all, I would tell her, You can do this, one letter, one word at a time.  I told her the word CAN’T is not something I believe in and that she can do whatever she puts her mind to and succeed.  We started with easy words.  Momma, Daddy, dog, love, cat, soon she saw that she had a vocabulary and it was English not Mandarin Chinese.  Once she got over the frustration and saw the outcomes she didn’t want to give up and now she loves to read and she reads books to me every night.  Through her desire to learn she has also taught her 4 year old sister to read.  No matter how frustrating something is and it is so much easier to just walk away and quit, I always tell my girls Never Give Up.  Look for different ways of getting the same thing done, but keep trying until you feel like you have succeeded whatever it is that you have set as the goal.  It’s not my goal, it is their own personal goal, because it would be easy for me to establish goals for them and then they are my goals, but I can help direct them and help them achieve their goals, no matter if it is learning English or learning to tie a shoe.  The paths in the poem were very similar but deciding which one to take that decision requires thought and knowing that once starting on the road whichever you chose, don’t give up keeping moving.

The third stanza states:

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

The third principle is MISTAKES HAPPEN – Learn from them and move on.  So many times I see kids and adults get caught up in the minutia of a problem or a mistake and they can’t get past it.  One of the biggest keys that I teach my children is the understanding difference between a mistake and an accident.  An accident couldn’t be avoided a mistake could have been avoided if they would have thought about what they were trying to solve.  The paths that lie before the traveller are equal in some essence, however the traveller doubts that he will ever come back to go down the other path, but it’s that traveller chose a path and it wasn’t an accident and it wasn’t a mistake it was an adventure.

The fourth and final stanza states:

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The fourth guiding principle is NO REGRETS. You never know what the road of life has for you but knowing you have the choice to decide, do it, but without regret.  Embrace who you are and the choices in life we make, whether they end up in elation or disappointment, as long as we learn from them then we enhance our value and grow and become the individuals we are today.

This poem established my guiding principles to help my children and me through life.  Knowing that I HAVE VALUE, TO NEVER GIVE UP, MISTAKES HAPPEN AND NO REGRETS and that is how I live today.

The first day of the rest of my life

We have all heard the phrase "The first day of the rest of your life".  Well I woke up today and realized this is the first day of the rest of my life.  Meaning, I am changing and have a new set of discoveries that I am seeking.

I realized my life is not built around things but around people and love.  I realized that yes I must work to provide for my family and provide the basics in life, but my girls love time with me.  Last night watching the meteor shower with them they loved it.  They had lots of questions and we had some great conversation waiting to see the meteors, but they missed it as it was getting late and they were tired.

As I sat and watched the meteors after they went to bed I thought about the person I am today and all the things that have changed to make me the who I am.  I used to be a person of secrets, hiding everything from everyone.  Being someone that I knew the individual wanted me to be but was I happy?  Sure, I was happy to some extent otherwise I would have moved on as one of the things I value is my happiness.  Sure we go through life with the ups and downs, valleys and peaks, but those are character building.

Today I was talking about how parents help kids build character without even knowing it.  I have never aspired to be a part of a specific clique growing up.  I appreciated my individuality and could associate with many different types of people.  I give credit to my mom for helping me build character and she didn't even know it.  One way she helped me build character is (and I will never forget it as there are photos) is the year I got the orange afro.

I was in 7th grade and involved in all kinds of clubs.  I was student body president for 7th grade, drama club, debate, basketball and my mom thought it would be a good idea to give me a "reverse perm".  See I have very curly hair and a reverse perm was suppose to "relax" the curl.  Well she took me to the salon and the stylist "did not" give me a reverse perm but a full perm so when she pulled the rods out I had an afro, a big orange reddish AFRO.

Wow, I had school pictures the next day and all the club pictures I was in would have me in the AFRO.  The ridicule I experienced from the red afro was amazing and I had a choice, I could crawl in a corner and cry and get angry or I could laugh at it and through my laughter and happiness, people would not see the afro anymore or they would see something positive.  Guess what it worked.

My friends and all that knew me teased me for a day and then after that moved on to something else and forgot about the red headed orange afro, but saw me for who I was Christina, their friend and a smart, fun loving, caring, witty girl that didn't let this opportunity fail her but turned it around.

That is what I do everyday with my life.  I have many things that happen to me but I turn it around to gain from the things that happen.  We have so many choices in our lives and we can continue on the quest of seeing the bad or living and living in the present with who we are and what we have to offer.

There is nothing wrong with individuality and not succumbing to the cliques of the world but creating your own and loving you for who you are not what others believe you should be.  In some peoples eyes I may always be the orange reddish afro girl, but I made a mark because when they think of it they laugh and smile and it makes them remember the happy things they used to be and with that maybe, just maybe, a change is happening to them.

What Motivates us

This is a great video and along the mind mapping routine.

http://myscienceacademy.org/2012/08/11/the-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us/

Romantic Realist..What a realization.

We the living….read again

I am reading We the Living by Ayn Rand again. I must say I usually do not read the Forewards in a book but something sparked me to read this one. I identified with her words and that brought tears to my eyes. I am always questioning what kind of person am I and who I want to be? I know I’m a Realist, Libertarian, Objectivist, Honest, Sexy woman but Ayn Rand said the most profound part in how she writes and she writes Romance. She said she was a Romantic Realist…WOW that hit me because that’s who I am, I could identify with every component of what she was saying. I love romance. That is what women want the sublty of a touch, a look, the little gestures of love, those are romance. In reading her books for instance Atlas Shrugged, the gift of the bracelet that was romance, it was piece of Reardon to his wife. She didn’t understand, but Dagney the main character understood and traded her diamonds for the metal bracelet. That is romance, that is love, that is what builds great relationships and friendships. Those simple acts mean so much more than just saying I Love You or giving big gifts. Those acts make great memories.

She loved yes, but her love was in the reality of romance and life. Combining those two traits together creates amazing stories and life that are real that never die, never date themselves and mostly are true to principle and value and have a moral code.

I had a great conversation today with someone and said the greatest gift you could give is time. Time creates memories it’s not the gifts it is the gift of time. Then those occasional gifts like the bracelet in Atlas Shrugged have meaning so much more than being lavished with things.

So today I learned I’m a Romantic Realist and that is exciting to me because that is truth, my reality and my life.