Tuesday, October 23, 2012

When my transformation really started to take form


It was in my first year of English Literature at college when I heard my professor say this quote: “The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand”.  He then told us to read Robert Frost’s – The Road Not Taken.  We were then told to write what was similar in the poem and quote.

I was young and although I thought I knew what it meant to me then, the meanings certainly have changed.  Now that I am a mother, parent, teacher and guidance counselor to two beautiful little girls, the meaning has changed.  Part of my job as a parent is to ensure that I provide opportunities for my kids as well as help them make decisions in life even at ages 4 and 7 the sooner they start making decisions along the way the better for them, in my opinion.

There are so many things that have made an impact in all of our lives.  However the quote and poem really impacted my values and view of life.  The poem helped frame my guiding principles - The first stanza states:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

This is my take on my first guiding principle is KNOW WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE/YOU HAVE VALUE.  I teach my girls that they have value  - to me everyday and to everyone they meet.  That it doesn’t matter how old you are you can add something of value to whatever you do and whomever you meet.  Value is your worth to yourself and others.  I ask them everyday what did you do today that had value that you were proud of and some days it’s as simple as played with my friend other days it’s I made someone laugh.  Understanding their value helps them appreciate who they are and appreciate other people’s opinions.  The value of being one traveler trying to decide which road had more value for this traveller.
The second stanza of the poem states:

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

The second guiding principle is NEVER GIVE UP.  When I first adopted Abby – 18 months ago- she did not speak any English.  Every day was a challenge, she wanted to give up trying to learn.  She would get frustrated and angry.  Sometimes she would cry other times she would hit me trying to express herself.  Through it all, I would tell her, You can do this, one letter, one word at a time.  I told her the word CAN’T is not something I believe in and that she can do whatever she puts her mind to and succeed.  We started with easy words.  Momma, Daddy, dog, love, cat, soon she saw that she had a vocabulary and it was English not Mandarin Chinese.  Once she got over the frustration and saw the outcomes she didn’t want to give up and now she loves to read and she reads books to me every night.  Through her desire to learn she has also taught her 4 year old sister to read.  No matter how frustrating something is and it is so much easier to just walk away and quit, I always tell my girls Never Give Up.  Look for different ways of getting the same thing done, but keep trying until you feel like you have succeeded whatever it is that you have set as the goal.  It’s not my goal, it is their own personal goal, because it would be easy for me to establish goals for them and then they are my goals, but I can help direct them and help them achieve their goals, no matter if it is learning English or learning to tie a shoe.  The paths in the poem were very similar but deciding which one to take that decision requires thought and knowing that once starting on the road whichever you chose, don’t give up keeping moving.

The third stanza states:


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

The third principle is MISTAKES HAPPEN – Learn from them and move on.  So many times I see kids and adults get caught up in the minutia of a problem or a mistake and they can’t get past it.  One of the biggest keys that I teach my children is the understanding difference between a mistake and an accident.  An accident couldn’t be avoided a mistake could have been avoided if they would have thought about what they were trying to solve.  The paths that lie before the traveller are equal in some essence, however the traveller doubts that he will ever come back to go down the other path, but it’s that traveller chose a path and it wasn’t an accident and it wasn’t a mistake it was an adventure.

The fourth and final stanza states:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The fourth guiding principle is NO REGRETS. You never know what the road of life has for you but knowing you have the choice to decide, do it, but without regret.  Embrace who you are and the choices in life we make, whether they end up in elation or disappointment, as long as we learn from them then we enhance our value and grow and become the individuals we are today.


This poem established my guiding principles to help my children and me through life.  Knowing that I HAVE VALUE, TO NEVER GIVE UP, MISTAKES HAPPEN AND NO REGRETS and that is how I live today.

The first day of the rest of my life

We have all heard the phrase "The first day of the rest of your life".  Well I woke up today and realized this is the first day of the rest of my life.  Meaning, I am changing and have a new set of discoveries that I am seeking.

I realized my life is not built around things but around people and love.  I realized that yes I must work to provide for my family and provide the basics in life, but my girls love time with me.  Last night watching the meteor shower with them they loved it.  They had lots of questions and we had some great conversation waiting to see the meteors, but they missed it as it was getting late and they were tired.

As I sat and watched the meteors after they went to bed I thought about the person I am today and all the things that have changed to make me the who I am.  I used to be a person of secrets, hiding everything from everyone.  Being someone that I knew the individual wanted me to be but was I happy?  Sure, I was happy to some extent otherwise I would have moved on as one of the things I value is my happiness.  Sure we go through life with the ups and downs, valleys and peaks, but those are character building.

Today I was talking about how parents help kids build character without even knowing it.  I have never aspired to be a part of a specific clique growing up.  I appreciated my individuality and could associate with many different types of people.  I give credit to my mom for helping me build character and she didn't even know it.  One way she helped me build character is (and I will never forget it as there are photos) is the year I got the orange afro.

I was in 7th grade and involved in all kinds of clubs.  I was student body president for 7th grade, drama club, debate, basketball and my mom thought it would be a good idea to give me a "reverse perm".  See I have very curly hair and a reverse perm was suppose to "relax" the curl.  Well she took me to the salon and the stylist "did not" give me a reverse perm but a full perm so when she pulled the rods out I had an afro, a big orange reddish AFRO.

Wow, I had school pictures the next day and all the club pictures I was in would have me in the AFRO.  The ridicule I experienced from the red afro was amazing and I had a choice, I could crawl in a corner and cry and get angry or I could laugh at it and through my laughter and happiness, people would not see the afro anymore or they would see something positive.  Guess what it worked.

My friends and all that knew me teased me for a day and then after that moved on to something else and forgot about the red headed orange afro, but saw me for who I was Christina, their friend and a smart, fun loving, caring, witty girl that didn't let this opportunity fail her but turned it around.

That is what I do everyday with my life.  I have many things that happen to me but I turn it around to gain from the things that happen.  We have so many choices in our lives and we can continue on the quest of seeing the bad or living and living in the present with who we are and what we have to offer.

There is nothing wrong with individuality and not succumbing to the cliques of the world but creating your own and loving you for who you are not what others believe you should be.  In some peoples eyes I may always be the orange reddish afro girl, but I made a mark because when they think of it they laugh and smile and it makes them remember the happy things they used to be and with that maybe, just maybe, a change is happening to them.

Monday, August 13, 2012

What Motivates us

This is a great video and along the mind mapping routine.

http://myscienceacademy.org/2012/08/11/the-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us/

Friday, August 10, 2012

Romantic Realist..What a realization.


We the living….read again
I am reading We the Living by Ayn Rand again. I must say I usually do not read the Forewards in a book but something sparked me to read this one. I identified with her words and that brought tears to my eyes. I am always questioning what kind of person am I and who I want to be? I know I’m a Realist, Libertarian, Objectivist, Honest, Sexy woman but Ayn Rand said the most profound part in how she writes and she writes Romance. She said she was a Romantic Realist…WOW that hit me because that’s who I am, I could identify with every component of what she was saying. I love romance. That is what women want the sublty of a touch, a look, the little gestures of love, those are romance. In reading her books for instance Atlas Shrugged, the gift of the bracelet that was romance, it was piece of Reardon to his wife. She didn’t understand, but Dagney the main character understood and traded her diamonds for the metal bracelet. That is romance, that is love, that is what builds great relationships and friendships. Those simple acts mean so much more than just saying I Love You or giving big gifts. Those acts make great memories.
She loved yes, but her love was in the reality of romance and life. Combining those two traits together creates amazing stories and life that are real that never die, never date themselves and mostly are true to principle and value and have a moral code.
I had a great conversation today with someone and said the greatest gift you could give is time. Time creates memories it’s not the gifts it is the gift of time. Then those occasional gifts like the bracelet in Atlas Shrugged have meaning so much more than being lavished with things.
So today I learned I’m a Romantic Realist and that is exciting to me because that is truth, my reality and my life.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Selfish or Self-Preservation


My ex-husband visits our daughters maybe a couple of hours a month.  He is the most thoughtless person I know, thinking only of what he wants and not the context in which he hopes to achieve his wants.  Recently he was diagnosed with Lymphoma.  To put this in context, he has known he has something for 6-8 months but because he doesn’t have insurance and barely has enough money to pay for his things, he said he could not afford to go to the doctors.  This is his excuse.  

Several months ago I told him that doctors cannot refuse service in a hospital.  I pay my taxes so he may as well go and consider my tax dollars being used for him.  He ignored me.    Over Memorial Day weekend he was with his girlfriend and almost passed out.  Being diabetic, he had an extremely high blood sugar spike.  Waking up in the hospital as a result of that incident, he learned of his lymphoma.

Last weekend he asked if he could come over and see the girls.  I said, “Fine.”  I don’t want to deny my daughters the right to see their father. 

My ex-husband used to be a big man - 6’3”,  240lbs, muscular.  The person who walked through my door, shuffled his feet, walked slowly and was very thin and frail.  His breathing was labored and he told me the lymphoma is pressing on his carotid artery which means he is a high risk for a stroke.

I was going to run some errands while he was visiting the kids, but I decided against that idea because he looked so bad that I feared something might happen with him while I was away.  Instead I did some things around the house.  All the while, the kids kept saying, “Daddy, you are old.”  Whereupon he kept replying, “I’m only 3 years older than your mom.”  Then they would say, “She is young.”

As I continued to listen to my ex’s woes including how miserable he is in his relationship, I set sail on the sea of an internal struggle.    Why did I feel pulled to offer my extra room to this man?  And why at the same time, I didn’t want to?  Why did I want to help him get out of his situation with his girlfriend and then help him get on his feet?  What was this need I had that urged me to offer him a place to stay while he looked for an apartment?  Why was I called to do everything in my power to rescue him when a few years ago I rejected him in a divorce?

The moment passed.   I said nothing and he left.  

But I was angry – oh so angry.  I was angry at him for trying to work his “pity party” on me, and I was angry at myself for being emotionally vulnerable to that again even though I know from hard experience that it doesn’t work.  I end up resenting him and hating myself.  I had felt “in Technicolor” the pull of wanting to put on the comfortable Birkenstocks and pad around the house caring for him.

I realized that there is a natural pull for me to nurture when it looks like it is needed, but I wanted to block that this time – not merely for my own well-being, but to help my oldest daughter Abby gain some control of her vulnerability to the same siren call – which my ex elicits from her when he pulls out his wallow of self-pity.  I was protecting my kid from their dad’s bad behavior as well as fighting the internal struggle.  I am resolved now, not angry, and most importantly, not sacrificing my important value for some lesser one.   

Getting present to the struggle of these conflicting values freed me.  I was aided by a conversation I had just had with a friend about self-preservation and selfishness.  I had wondered how I could be selfish and my ex be selfish, but for two different and opposing reasons which set up the clash of the Titans, so to speak.   

I can see how people get their feathers ruffled over the selfish conversation.  I held it that selfishness can lead to sacrificing.  Thinking more, I realized “self-preservation” is a word that conveys more the sense of self I like - preserving you, the wholeness of you, the integrity of you.  

I went and soaked in the tub and I realized that not-sacrificing is very important to me, and to me that is self-preservation.  Preserving me, my identity, my Self, my being who I am and what I love about me.  Yes, I can be selfish sometimes in the small sense of that word, but I choose to be self-preserving all the time.    

What a great sense of satisfaction I have for resolving this piece of the puzzle that I truly believe was a big part of my anger for everything.  I think this was the last part of my ex that I was allowing to get to me and that is key too - I was allowing it.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Have your voice heard, Vote in this election

Friends and Family, if you are going to vote in the next election really think about who you want in office. Everyone wanted change and look at what has happened to our econmoy. Do you really want other humans that believe in force to continue to run our country and create regulations and rules that apply to us but not them? I ask to open your mind and just look and see what Gary Johnson has to offer. You may not agree 100% but do you agree 100% with the other parties too? This is a big decision coming up with who is going to run our country. Are we going to keep letting government get bigger or are we finally going back to what our forefathers wanted, freedom. Why our parents, grandparents, ancestors came to this country for a better life do we have it? Better than what now a days? I'm just saying…think about and learn about the other options that exist. When you buy a new car you research, when you buy big ticket items you research, this is about freedom and our economy our country, do you not find value in where you live?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

When LIFE!?. Happens all at once

These past few months have been one of the biggest rollercoaster rides I've been on in a very long time.  From moving homes again, being diagnosed with breast cancer, possible career changes, an 8 year old daughter that has started her life cycle of change (aka menstral cycle), an ex-husband diagnosed with lymphoma, and financial distress.  All these things just happened.  Like I woke up one day and POW!  Life!!!! hit and it hit hard.

When life hits me I know I look at it as growth and new opportunities to expand my knowledge and add another facet to my wonderful life.  I will say that all has turned out very well and I am cancer free.  I went through a slight depression and all the grieving that goes along with cancer but not as extensive as it could have been.  I think what amazes me the most is others reactions when I would go to the doctors ALONE.  Even the doctors, asking me is there someone here with you.  No, I am a strong person and I didn't want to bring anyone with me.  Not that I didn't have anyone that would go with me, because I have great friends, but I didn't see the need for them to be there.

My desire for support comes in celebration.  Celebrating LIFE! is what I like not the sympathy and the trauma that you endure while going through this event.  I am different in that and my friends respect my decision.  I was the support for my kids as well.  I wanted them to know mommy wasn't well but I also didn't want to stress them out because I saw that they were a little distressed about mommy.  They both stated I do not like to see mommy sick.  This opened up great conversations about being human and mortality.

The kids see their dad and how he is with his illness and it is completely opposite of me.  Most people had no idea I was sick or had breast cancer.  I was vivacious and as positive as I could be because I WANTED to be not because I was putting on aires.  I am now at the point where I can work out again and I am feeling stronger and healthier everyday.

I have goals in my life, and right now one goal is by December 15, 2012 I want to be able to do 3 sets of 10 pull ups.  I have never been able to pull myself up even as a kid being a chunky kid and now that is a goal for me.  I go to the gym everyday with my kids setting an example of health and exercise.  The other goal is to really decide what I want in a career.  I have so many dreams and desires, but what truly makes me happy?  That is something I am pondering and seeking and writing about.

The answer is coming a long very well actually will probably have an answer very soon and then I can put that goal to bed.  The final goal I have is financial freedom.  I am slowly starting to pay off old debt the last bit of it and starting to save.  My goal is to have $5,000 in a savings liquid cash at my disposal any time by the end of the year.  I have retirement that I do not touch, I do not have credit cards anymore if I can't pay cash I don't need it.

I had a savings then I got divorced and ended up using it for all things related to divorce and moving.   I love my life very much and to be honest wouldn't trade it for anything.  All my experiences and friends, old and new, that enhance who I am that is great.  All the wonderful conversations that I've had this past year and all the new exciting philosophical individuals that I have met is amazing.  I have expanded my horizon and continue to meet new people.

If you are not experiencing LIFE!?., the way you would like, you can change it.  Do something out of your box.  I was talking to someone about don't put me in a box and I said really I am not in a box, I have maybe one side to it but other than my box is open and I love it  as it allows for free flowing thoughts and ideas.

What about you, where are you in your Life?  Are you happy in your box?  Do you have a box?

Whatever your answers as long as they are reflected in your moral code and value, that is where you can begin if you are wanting to change.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Life!Life?Life.



Life! Life? Life.  It’s amazing the importance of punctuation as you read about life.  The Life! is exhilarating.   It makes you high and happy.  We are smiling, happy, in love, just really content with everything in our life.  This is when we thrive.  This Life! invigorates us and we grow, create, develop and reach for the beyond.
Life? is how we live.  It is our questioning about who we are, what we want and who is in our lives.  Who to love?  Who to know?  What do I want?  All these questions make us think which in turn makes us create our Life!  Then there is Life.
Life is how we go about our day.  It is the routine in our daily walk in life.  This is where creativity stops.  Where we walk towards the end of life! Life? life.
 Now that I have identified the trilogy of life when walking through your life, you can look at your life and see what stage of the trilogy you are in at this time.  The one thing is that these three lives happen all the time consistently and for weeks, months and years.  For the majority of my life it has been Life!?!?!?  And now I am in the questioning phase of life.  It is just as exciting and invigorating as I ever thought it could be.
So where are you in your Life?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Philosophy can mean different things (reposted from website)

I liked what this blog stated in regards to Psychology and Philosophy.  There are some additions from what the original writer submitted.

Philosophy can mean different things

Sometimes philosophers deal with questions of truth and sometimes with questions of goodness ;
 sometimes they offer consolation for life’s sorrows and sometimes they are purely pragmatic.
In the philosophy of science, a theory may be valued only for its predictive capability ;
its truth or falsity may be immaterial. In ethics, philosophy may have a prescriptive function,
offering a preferred set of values ; but where those values originate from is a debatable question.


I hold the traditional view that philosophy is the attempt to define a qualitative approach to life.
This view implies that philosophy is the analysis and interpretation of values and standards, within the thinker’s experience of reality. But values and standards are also the domain of psychology. Therefore there is a great deal of overlap between the two disciplines.
Philosophy separated from psychology in the nineteenth century, under the need to put logic and logical analysis on a mathematical basis. However, logic is only one of the two tools that are needed for analytical thinking. The other tool is the ability to observe the associations between ideas – this tool is a psychological one. Hence effective thinking in philosophy requires both rational and psychological forms of analytical ability. The nineteenth-century separation of philosophy from psychology removed much of the content from British philosophy and gradually put it to sleep. I put the two disciplines back together again. So hopefully the long winter of hibernation is coming to an end. [¹].

What is the relation between these two disciplines ? 
The way that I have consistently experienced it is that psychology limits philosophy : psychology sets the boundaries within which philosophy can range. The narrower the range of a person's psychological understanding of life, so correspondingly will the authentic range of his philosophy also be narrow. Without an adequate understanding of life, so the thinker is dependent on imagination and prejudice when trying to stretch his ideas to fit aspects of reality that he has never experienced.
Within a perspective that emphasises the qualitative features of life we will find that philosophy provides most of the framework and psychology provides much of the content. The effectiveness of philosophy to define a qualitative approach to life rests on its analysis of psychology : this enables the individual to create himself within the context of his historical situation.
More generally,
the purpose of philosophy is to abstract what is valid from all realms of value so as to enable the person to create his or her own identity ; the historical situation determines what is holistically possible.
The results of such philosophical analysis should be consistent with the empirical results of psychology.
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Metaphysics and Logic

The highest realm of thought for man is that of metaphysics. Since man is a part of this realm he can approach metaphysics through his own understanding of life. Metaphysics is not theology. Man cannot know god but he can understand concepts that concern the nature of reality and being. Metaphysics deals with the creativity and destructiveness within creation, with the purpose and the meaning of evolution, and the way that it functions. Man enters into metaphysical discourse when he creates values and meanings. [²]
All conceptions of reality are based on metaphysical ideas. 
Even within orthodox science, concepts such as force (for example: electricity, magnetism, gravitation) and laws of causation are metaphysical concepts : their existence can never be verified directly, but only indirectly through their effects. [³]
Traditional philosophy has metaphysics or ethics as its starting point. But psychology was hardly explored then. Within tradition, what passes as truth may sometimes be only idealism or wish-fulfilment. The psychological boundaries of the traditional thinker formed a perspective of denying validity to the material world. The material world, a world of constant change, could not be accepted as a real world ; the real world somehow lay behind all the change, like an archetype. So ethics and metaphysics had to conform to a world-hating, world-denying, mentality. Ethics was often formulated in ways that enabled a person to survive in an uncertain realm of pain and sorrow.

The exploration of consciousness began in earnest in modern times with the ideas of Rene Descartes and Thomas Hobbes. Hobbes started his political philosophy with a psychological profile of his contemporary, seventeenth-century Englishmen. Eventually the reaction against the attitude of world-denial produced the compensating swing to materialism as the basis of philosophy. Materialism has its place in any system of thought that attempts to understand reality.
To try to ascertain what is truth requires the reduction, even the elimination, of psychological boundaries ; the philosopher of reality needs to be a psychologist too. A genuine metaphysics is not a flight from materialism but assimilates it into a greater perspective that has fewer boundaries.

The practical importance of the role of psychology as the base of philosophy is dramatically illustrated in the problem of good and evil.
A person’s attitude to this problem defines their ethics, or at least the code that they live by. Within the Christian and the Indian world-denying mentalities the problem of the existence of evil cannot be solved. I started off as a traditionalist ; there was nothing original to my thinking and to my understanding of the world. Only when I came under the influence of Nietzsche and the much wider base of world affirmation that he espoused could I work out in detail the nature of emotion and the problems that it causes. I accepted that there had to be meaning to all the emotional problems that arise when a person engages in a worldly life.
My understanding of emotion led me to the relativity of good and evil. Neither absolute good nor absolute evil exists, but each arises from the other : good arises from evil, and evil arises from good. Within evolution, creativity arises from destructiveness, and destructiveness arises from creativity.
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The exponents of analytical logic in the early half of the twentieth century believed that their logic would downgrade metaphysics to the status of being purely a nonsensical thought system.
Only philosophers with no understanding of psychology could take such a view. To explore metaphysics requires the combination of intuition with rationality, and both develop within the constraints of psychology. Intuition is right-brain centred, and rationality is left-brain centred. Using both together produces holistic thinking. [4]
All non-sceptical philosophies, and these include those produced by analytical logicians, are underpinned by two psychological premisses, which are :
  • My philosophy represents truth for me.
  • What is truth for me is truth for everyone else.

The first premiss is subjective and the second one provides for objectivity. The sceptic omits the second belief. The first premiss just demonstrates the psychological limitations of the person ; it indicates the range of that person’s experience of life. The wider that range of experience then the wider must philosophy become in order to explain it. The poverty of experience of analytical philosophers was reflected in the poverty of their conceptual thinking.
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Components of Philosophy

Philosophy is the analysis and interpretation of values and standards. Hence the components of philosophy can be conceived to be as follows :
  • Empiricism : establishes what values and standards exist.
  • Psychology and epistemology : indicate how values and standards are generated.
  • Metaphysics : indicates where values and standards will take the individual and society.
  • Conceptual analysis : this is the arena of discourse on values and standards.
  • Ethics : defines prescriptive or directive values and standards, and how to apply them. Directive values and standards are criteria that are used to direct one’s life.
  • Aesthetics : the appreciation of non-directive values.
  • Science : this should be the arena for understanding how mind can be ethically used to master matter.
  • Politics : this should be applied metaphysics and psychology, the study of the evolutionary direction of society.

In Summary
Philosophy is the study of what values and standards are known within the conditions of how they are known.
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Need

Another way of defining the relationship between philosophy and psychology is that between truth and need.
Psychology works with need.
Philosophy works with truth.
As an example, consider political theory. A psychological approach can determine the needs of the various strata of a society. Then a philosophical theory can be constructed which takes into account these needs. Usually, however, a political thinker centres his theory at his own social level.

This view of the relationship can be re-phrased. In considering a question such as  ‘ What is the meaning of life ?’, there are two factors involved in attaining an intellectual understanding.
a). What is the psychological motivation of the inquirer ?
b). What is the philosophical answer to the actual question ?
Both factors have to be explored if wisdom is to be attained. Only by answering factor (a) first can we be assured that the answer to factor (b) is not supplied just by the imagination. It is not easy to state the difference between need and truth, and in practice it is very hard to separate them. In fact there is only one way to separate them, and that is to be committed to finding a first-hand answer by living one’s ideas. Such intense life experience usually separates truth from need. This is the existentialist approach.
In times past, the difference between truth and need was formulated in terms of esoteric and exoteric knowledge. Exoteric knowledge (or need) was suited to the capacities of the beginner, whilst esoteric knowledge (or truth at a higher level of mind) could be handled by the mature person.
If a person is presented with a level of truth about reality that is beyond his capacity to assimilate and handle, then it is likely to cause psychological difficulties for him. This difference between truth and need is a recurring issue in religions and in social customs. For example, if a person is psychologically dependent on organisations to do his thinking for him, then he will be unable to accept any New Age themes that require him to do his own thinking. A person who binds himself to traditional views will be reluctant to embrace the freedom of thought that non-conformity gives. But also, a person who has suffered from the narrowness of social conventions will be reluctant to embrace the genuine aspects of tradition. 
We can also see this difference between truth and need in action when the materialistic scientist or philosopher cannot understand the psychic basis of many New Age values.
What is the value of wisdom ?
What is the value of being able to separate truth from need ?  Wisdom provides a perspective of living that the individual can practise without being unduly influenced by worldly pleasures and pains. My wisdom is the synthesis of psychology and philosophy into a lifestyle that is consonant with my highest ideals.
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Another way of looking at the relationship between philosophy and psychology is to bring in metaphysics. Psychology needs to be put into a philosophical perspective. And philosophy is only a pattern within a metaphysical framework.
Psychology is content
Philosophy is form
Metaphysics is system
The final destination of truth is metaphysics. The valuation that is put on metaphysics reflects the valuation that humanity puts on itself. In modern times, the downgrading of metaphysics has occurred in tandem with the de-valuing of humanity, through the development of nuclear weaponry that can wipe out all human life.
The importance of metaphysics is that it sets the parameters of the good life.
And the importance of truth is that it is the only basis on which the good life can be achieved and maintained !

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Times are a changing

It has been some time since I last posted and there have been so many things going on that I just wanted to update the site.

First, I am working on a presentation that I will be giving at the Spring Conference in Atlanta for Toastmasters so I want to make sure that I have that fine tuned and ready.

Secondly I am fine tuning the end of the book as there have been lots of things that have happened that make the book ending change somewhat about self actualization.

Thirdly, I have been mom (which is really first and foremost) since it is continual.  Tennis lessons, horseback riding, hiking and just laughing lots.

I have started my own consulting company and am doing some networking as well.  I have a couple of leads and trainings so that is a good thing.

So this is just a general update and I will be back to blogging and updating the REAL you.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The art of deception

The title is just a term because there are many forms of deception.  Those individuals that know of their deception they are the artists because they are fully aware of the picture they are seeking to paint.  The old adage states "keep your friends close but your enemies closer".  The other deceptor is that individual that doesn't realize they are being deceitful because of the way they have been all their lives.

Deception is such a negative term but it in actuality can have some positive effects on individuals.  For instance if I had not learned of my deceptive ways in the past I would not be the individual I am today and recognize the pattern in others.  There is an artform to deception and I will not go into this further.  What I will say is I will have a book entitled Naked Conversations being published in March 2012.

In there you will read about the components of Naked Conversations and the myriad of human behavior that is incorporated and changed to get the best out of the conversations whether they are naked or clothed.

I am on the final chapters of the book so my extra time is devoted to completion.  This has been a work in progress for many years.  This book discusses the human behavior component of the individual from the controller, manipulator, deceptor, Alpha, Beta and then the free spirit.  It discusses the trilogy of the self.   It is an exciting exploration into my life of freedom in a unique way.

I look forward to sharing this exciting journey with my friends and family.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012 - What's in store???

New Year, new resolutions, new you, new promises, the list goes on and on, that at the beginning of the new year we get a "rebirth" of our past.  Why do we believe - that with the new year there is new changes? Why wouldn't we believe that new changes exist everyday in our lives?  Why do we have to face the "hope", that the rolling over of a year, can make that much of a difference?

Why - because we are human and that is how our brain functions and our feelings flow.  Through the many lots in life we have developed these "traditions" of new hope and rejuvenation.  It was just recently, that I realized I didn't need a new year to be a new me.  That change occurs daily in our lives and when I am ready to make the change, I just do it.    The key to change -  is to let go of the fear.

You ask How do I relinquish the fear?  Ask yourself these series of questions:

1. What am I fearful of?
2.  What is the cost? (This means what do I have to gain or lose by addressing this fear)  Is it work the cost or risk?
3. What value is placed on that fear that you are not willing to let go?

Once you know, then you can move towards a more free life.  I can't answer the questions for you, but I can help by asking the questions and allowing you to think about your fears.

Once you have identified the fears, then it is up to you to prioritize them, usually the easiest way to attack the elephant in the room is one bite at a time, starting with the easiest.  I've talked about that before in the Quagmire of Life posting.  Sometimes even the smallest change can have the largest ripple effect on our life good or bad.

One of my all time favorite quotes: Ralph Waldo Emerson - For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.  These are words I live by because losing something is not such a bad thing.  Human nature has the tendency to want to hold onto the past and wish our futures away.  Why?  Because we are on the constant quest for better and we sometimes miss the best because we had our heads turned in the other direction.  

So 2012, just another year, but each day is a new change in my life what will it be for you?