When my transformation really started to take form

It was in my first year of English Literature at college when I heard my professor say this quote: “The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand”.  He then told us to read Robert Frost’s – The Road Not Taken.  We were then told to write what was similar in the poem and quote.

I was young and although I thought I knew what it meant to me then, the meanings certainly have changed.  Now that I am a mother, parent, teacher and guidance counselor to two beautiful little girls, the meaning has changed.  Part of my job as a parent is to ensure that I provide opportunities for my kids as well as help them make decisions in life even at ages 4 and 7 the sooner they start making decisions along the way the better for them, in my opinion.

There are so many things that have made an impact in all of our lives.  However the quote and poem really impacted my values and view of life.  The poem helped frame my guiding principles - The first stanza states:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

This is my take on my first guiding principle is KNOW WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE/YOU HAVE VALUE.  I teach my girls that they have value  - to me everyday and to everyone they meet.  That it doesn’t matter how old you are you can add something of value to whatever you do and whomever you meet.  Value is your worth to yourself and others.  I ask them everyday what did you do today that had value that you were proud of and some days it’s as simple as played with my friend other days it’s I made someone laugh.  Understanding their value helps them appreciate who they are and appreciate other people’s opinions.  The value of being one traveler trying to decide which road had more value for this traveller.

The second stanza of the poem states:

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

The second guiding principle is NEVER GIVE UP.  When I first adopted Abby – 18 months ago- she did not speak any English.  Every day was a challenge, she wanted to give up trying to learn.  She would get frustrated and angry.  Sometimes she would cry other times she would hit me trying to express herself.  Through it all, I would tell her, You can do this, one letter, one word at a time.  I told her the word CAN’T is not something I believe in and that she can do whatever she puts her mind to and succeed.  We started with easy words.  Momma, Daddy, dog, love, cat, soon she saw that she had a vocabulary and it was English not Mandarin Chinese.  Once she got over the frustration and saw the outcomes she didn’t want to give up and now she loves to read and she reads books to me every night.  Through her desire to learn she has also taught her 4 year old sister to read.  No matter how frustrating something is and it is so much easier to just walk away and quit, I always tell my girls Never Give Up.  Look for different ways of getting the same thing done, but keep trying until you feel like you have succeeded whatever it is that you have set as the goal.  It’s not my goal, it is their own personal goal, because it would be easy for me to establish goals for them and then they are my goals, but I can help direct them and help them achieve their goals, no matter if it is learning English or learning to tie a shoe.  The paths in the poem were very similar but deciding which one to take that decision requires thought and knowing that once starting on the road whichever you chose, don’t give up keeping moving.

The third stanza states:

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

The third principle is MISTAKES HAPPEN – Learn from them and move on.  So many times I see kids and adults get caught up in the minutia of a problem or a mistake and they can’t get past it.  One of the biggest keys that I teach my children is the understanding difference between a mistake and an accident.  An accident couldn’t be avoided a mistake could have been avoided if they would have thought about what they were trying to solve.  The paths that lie before the traveller are equal in some essence, however the traveller doubts that he will ever come back to go down the other path, but it’s that traveller chose a path and it wasn’t an accident and it wasn’t a mistake it was an adventure.

The fourth and final stanza states:

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The fourth guiding principle is NO REGRETS. You never know what the road of life has for you but knowing you have the choice to decide, do it, but without regret.  Embrace who you are and the choices in life we make, whether they end up in elation or disappointment, as long as we learn from them then we enhance our value and grow and become the individuals we are today.

This poem established my guiding principles to help my children and me through life.  Knowing that I HAVE VALUE, TO NEVER GIVE UP, MISTAKES HAPPEN AND NO REGRETS and that is how I live today.